my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
