you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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