i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
