I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize