She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't notice because vodka
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
