im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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