Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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