And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
