i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
