Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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