Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
