no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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