We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the liver wants what the liver wants
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
