I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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