Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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