They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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