Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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