Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
