I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
