my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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