So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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