so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
