Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
