He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
