i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
