Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
North Korea, Best Korea!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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