Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
