The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
