spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
