She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
