I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
