Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
