theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
