Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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