is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
