If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
