I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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