When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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