By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
