i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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