she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
