**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
