True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
