Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
