look no pants
she looked like the before picture.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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