New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
