I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
