I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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