so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize