i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
