You're so nebulous sometimes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
