I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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