We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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