some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
