Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
