No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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