If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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