Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
