its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love you. Go after that dick
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
