so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
