nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
