At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
