i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
