Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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