Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
