Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
two words...techno handjob
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
