Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
