i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
