I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
