Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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