so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
