she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
