where am i from again
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
