Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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