GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Fuck appropriateness.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
