at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
