I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
