I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
