The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
