K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
