My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
