Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
