Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
