it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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