I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
