and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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