He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
