ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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