I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
my poor anus
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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