your parents love me but you hate me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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