did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
