I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
As shirtless as possible
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
