I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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