I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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