im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
