he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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