Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
