Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
